whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
