my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
