using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's like iHOP with fire
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
