new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
