Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
