I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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