me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
