So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
