i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
