Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm always down for nudity.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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