It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
