Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
