i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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