One girl and one boy is just not enough.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
