he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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