there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
