the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
