xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So squirting runs in the family.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
