Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
