Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
