Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
