my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
