are you still at the devil's house?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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