NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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