4 words: hood of his car
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Come on in and take your pants off
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