i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
