Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
porn star boner night. come get it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
