worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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