i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
