it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
