Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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