I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
