why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
