All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
