i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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