How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
