We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
