I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
