how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
