she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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