this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
