just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
