Your mouth is God's brothel.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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