the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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