i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
