don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
