Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
