when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
