No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sext me about skeletons
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
