It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
