Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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