It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
