I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
