We won't sleep together?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
