I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
